Archive for December, 2012

19 Dec 2012

Lucky Number 7

3 Comments Adventures, Holidays, Random, Tampa, Wordless Wednesday

I have never really thought of birthdays being special. They are for the kids, but for me, it’s work. The presents, the party, the friends…It’s another birthday that I have to make special for my kids. I love it (and them) but it’s a birthday and that means work for me.

But today, and from now on, I think birthdays are something so much more. They are magical…special and are so important.

Today we are celebrating my daughter’s birthday…her 7th birthday. Lucky number 7.

It’s a random year, not too big of a milestone, but a birthday none the less. And THAT, to any 6 year old turning 7, it means the world.

This year, the meaning of the age 7 has changed for me as well as many others.

My daughter will get to BE 7.

We will not only get to celebrate her 7th birthday but we will get to she her be 7 for another year. She will loose more teeth, she will ride her bike, play with dolls, get better at reading, spelling and math, she will excel in gymnastics, and run and play as free as any 7 year old would do.

She gets to BE 7 and I get to watch her be 7 every day.

***

I usually wake up in order to get a little silence in before the chaos starts. But the silence has not been broken yet this morning. It’s dark, it’s quiet. My house will soon be a buzz with the sounds of life. It can be overwhelming and I get frustrated. I tell (or yell) at them to BE QUIET! I want everyone to be quiet because the baby is sleeping. I want the peace and quiet. I want the crying baby to stop crying. I want my oldest two to stop arguing. I want my 3 year old to stop whining. They get louder. I get louder. But then the sweet sounds come too. They laugh. They giggle. They help each other out. Four kids make noise loud enough to resemble a 24 hour house party when given the chance.

But it’s the silence I crave and the silence I fear. I could not imagine the silence forever. I want to hear “row row row your boat” 4, 578 times…in a row. I want to hear them. I love their sweet little voices and couldn’t imagine not hearing them ever again.

***

So today the silence will break as it usually does. I will welcome it. I will welcome all that goes along with my 6 turning 7 year old, and the rest of the crew to celebrate this new day. Because today is a birthday! And day that she will run out of her room screaming “ITS MY BIRTHDAY!” ITS MY BIRTHDAY!” We will celebrate her 7th birthday like it’s 1999, and hug and kiss and smile like it is the best day in the whole world! Why? Because to any 6 year old turning 7, it is.

But for me, I will try to hold back the tears when my bouncing 7 year old enters the rooms and screams with pure joy. I will hug her and thank God that we are special enough to see this day. This is a celebration about a new year and what is to come. The 7th birthday has come for her and she will go on being 7 like she is supposed to. I will take her fresh age of 7 and cherish it as the greatest gift that anyone has given us. To all the parents of 6 year old little babies in Sandy Hook, that will not get to see theirs turing 7, I will think of them and what they will miss. It is not fair. In so many ways, it is just not fair. The memory of what happened will be with me each year I get to see my daughter turn another age.

I think the reason many of my friends and I have come to take this harder than some is because we see 6 and 7 year olds each day. Another Mom put it best when she wrote, we know what 6 is. Because we do.

***

Happy 7th birthday to the most amazing daughter…my first little girl, who’s taught me about all the joys that little girls bring to life. I am so excited to see what the next year brings.

17 Dec 2012

My New Normal

3 Comments Everyday, Monday Motto, Random

I haven’t cried.

Not yet.

Not until this morning…when I took my kids to school and learned I had a new normal too.

I did my usual Monday Morning routine of getting up, getting backpacks ready, getting lunches made, making coffee and making breakfast for my kids.

It’s our normal every school day routine. It’s what we know and what we expect.

We got in the car, we talked about how fun the day was going to be… who we were looking forward to seeing and what we were going to do after school. Just like normal.

I thought I was doing good. I had really tried to stay away from the news and pretend like we weren’t really affected by what had happened. I honestly had not cried. It was terrible and I knew that, but it wasn’t effecting my family directly.

However, today was not the normal Monday once we arrived on campus. The first thing my kids did point out the not-so-normal. The police officers standing next to our administration building. The police car.

“Why are they here?”

“What happened?”

That was when everything set in in my mind. This is the normal. This is our new normal. I told my kids that we had a new rule when they got out of the car.

“You have to give me a kiss as well as Shelby and Abby.”

We get rushed. They get rushed out the door. We know we will see each other later. Right? Of course! Like always…

I kissed my kids goodbye…for the day today.

I told them I loved them and I would see them after school… right? That’s what always happens. It’s our normal.

I still have one more left in the car.

I will walk her into school. We walked into school and we walked past the police officers. They said “hi” and they smiled. They gave me a look like they knew that I knew that she was too young to know what had happened. We were on the same page. Protection. They didn’t want to be here as much I didn’t want them to be there. Why did they have to be there? Nothing was going to happen, right? And if something were to happen, they would protect her, right?

Shelby said it best. “Mommy they will keep me safe.”

I could only hope that someone would.

So we walked my last pre-schooler into class. I have her a hug and a kiss and told her I would see her later…just like always…

I went back to the car with the baby and cried. I cried out loud and prayed that my babies would be safe today. I prayed for all the families who could not walk their little ones to school and prayed that all of us who did would see our little ones at 2:30 for pick up.

It wasn’t until this morning that I realized a lot of things are different.

***

Having a six-year-old makes me go one step further to only fathom The loss that the families of Sandy Hook Elementary School are feeling today. With their new normal setting in, I can’t imagine what their new normal feels like. I don’t want to.

Today is the first day of their new normal too. They are finding out how to deal with their new normal. And some how, life does move on. Time doesn’t stop. It continues to move on.

***

I’m planning a birthday party for my 6 year old this week. She will be six turning seven.

I will get to see my daughter turn seven.

As we celebrate my daughter’s seventh birthday with such excitement and joy, but my thoughts will be with all those parents who will not be celebrating seventh birthdays with their children.

I’m not sure if it will effect my daughter like December 14th has effected me, but I know that all of her firsts will not come for some families. What she will be able to do will not be able to be done by the children who went to heaven too soon. On her birthday each year, I will try to remember that we are still here for some reason. For some reason, it happened some place else and not at her school. We will celebrate being able to still be around on this Earth… for some reason.

***

I haven’t cried until now. My new normal will take a while for me to get used to. I cry today because I don’t like my new normal. I’m sure there are many others crying today too because they don’t like their new normal either.

***

15 Dec 2012

Funniest Christmas Card Ever

1 Comment Adventures, Everyday, Holidays, Tampa

I made this on Pic Minkey. Best photo editing software free on the web. Simple. Easy.

The card speaks the truth. Probally what we were all thinking!