Dear Mr. You-Have-No-Clue-What-Naptime-Means-To-Me:
When babies nap, stay-at-home-parents be like…
As I type this letter, you are SO MAD that I told you NOT to start the 3-hour pressure wash my house at 11:30am. There were many good reasons that I asked specifically for this to be done ANY HOURS between the hours of 7am-12pm OR 2pm-8pm. I understand that you don’t get it. “It’s just one day. She won’t wake up. I won’t make THAT much noise.” Oh no, no, no, no…it is NOT just one day when it comes to the schedule of my toddler, who I have MIRACULOSULY figured out the Rubik cube of a puzzle, called “the toddler” where she naps for two hours, everyday.
First off…DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD THAT RUBIK CUBE is to figure out? Well, the toddler schedule is even harder. Not only to figure out, but to adhere to and to stick with once said schedule is in place. And nap time, well, nap time is as sacred to parents all over the world, just as the sign of the cross is sacred to Catholics. Parenting is my religion these days and there are a few things that I hold in the highest regard. Nap time is one of them (with a close second of bedtime and private potty or shower time.) Don’t F**K with nap time. There is nothing else that boils my blood more than others who don’t respect nap time for those of us who LIVE religiously by this sacred time during the day. You know that scene from Braveheart, where Mel Gibson has his face painted, and is ready to go to war with everyone behind him and he yells,”FREEDOM!” THIS is who I feel like when I fight for nap time. I have THAT kind of passion for my two measly hours of FREEDOM once the baby goes down for a nap and I will not be giving that up without a fight! Victory is sweet.
At this very moment in time, I LIVE by the naps. Most parents who have “been here” can relate. It is the only solitary two hours during the day where I try to do dishes, clean the house, wash/fold/put away laundry, make dinner, send e-mails, plan for Girl Scouts, write my blog, watch TV, eat lunch (or breakfast), nap myself, change the bed sheets, clean the bathrooms, paint my nails, take a shower, blow dry my hair, send HomeRoom Parent e-mails, shop online for EVERYTHING (but cold stuff), Christmas shop (yes, I do this all year long), read up on teacher e-mails for 3 OTHER KIDS, clean out the closets, garden, take out the trash, empty the dishwasher, or possible…sit down. Yes, these are all (and I am sure that I am missing some) of the things that go through my head once my two year old goes down for a nap. Oh the possibilities…so many with so little time. So when someone like you plans to come and F**K with my sacred time, I am immediately irate when you JUST. DON’T. GET. IT. because you my friend, have never walked in my shoes.
My shoes are the shoes of parents who stay home with kids and sacrifice traditional “working” roles for the role of caretaker. My boss is the baby. I try to boss her and manipulate her, but in the end, I know who is boss. You, Mr. You-Have-No-Clue-What-Naptime-Means-To-Me, don’t get that my ENTIRE DAY has been planned around nap time, from the exact time she woke up, and that if you F**K it up, I will probaly go into nuclear melt-down crazy mode and ain’t NOBODY got time for that. I cringe at a dog barking, neighbors doing construction and have even gone to the lengths of booking a hotel room in order to preserve nap time for one of my kids. Yes, that might be OVERLY dramatic about this precious time, but aren’t we all of anything that we hold of value?
I value, wait, I WORSHIP nap time, yes, my measly two hours during the middle of the day because sometimes, that’s all I get. There are NO other times during the day that I am without a child. I do get the ever so frequent break to go do yoga at night, or possibly head to a night out with the hubby or friends, but for 22 hours of the day, these four kids are under my watchful eye. Even the bedtime break is short lived because I typically pass out from exhaustion the MOMENT I sit down. So, yes, Mr. You-Have-No-Clue-What-Naptime-Means-To-Me, these two F**KING hours are MINE and I will stand to fight and protect them with everything I have and will not back down…UNLESS you want to give me the day off and deal with the cranky toddler? Didn’t thing so.
So to every parent out there who values nap time, fight with me! Do not let others just brush us off or disrespect the nap. This is my sanity. I regroup and recharge during this time and I will argue with anyone about my position on naps. They are good for babies as well as adults. (Even Harvard says so.) So PLEASE DON’t F**K with my nap time. It’s all I have left right now.