Life with CAH
What you don’t see is this….
You don’t see the tears, or the look of pure torture in their eyes begging you not to do something. You can hear the screams through the lobby. You can feel her pain through the screams.
The begging and pleading was too much this time. I broke down. In front of her. You aren’t supposed to do that. You have to remain stoic and tell then that it won’t hurt. It will be all over soon. Smiling through your tears, that you must hold back. I just couldn’t do it.
I have been dreading today for along time. 4 yrs old they know the difference. They know fear. They can tell you they don’t want to.
Life with CAH has been alot of work. I know it will get easier. Jake is a rock star with blood draws, but he has been 9 yrs in the making. And this is life with CAH. I understand it. I have my WebMD and will challenge most doctors to talks about the ins and out of this condition, with my children or as a pregnant mother.
I will push back the memory of today and only return to it in another 3 months when we have to do it all over again. This happens often.
I tell myself it will get better. Stay strong. They will someday understand. They will appreciate my strength as a parent. They will know I never wanted to hurt them. I would give anything if it could be me and not them. But it could be worse.
We get to go home. We don’t have daily shots. We don’t have long hospital stays. We get to live our life outside the hospital walls. As normal as everyone wants. And with family by your side, everything will be ok.
This is just a part of life with CAH.